


Lonley

by Tigi



Category: Skulduggery Pleasant - Derek Landy
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2020-10-06 04:43:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20501081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tigi/pseuds/Tigi
Summary: It is what could  happen,  when Anton Shudder  and  Billy-ray  first meet.





	1. Chapter 1

It all starts out, well like most things start for Sanguin. It starts with a job or more of a part of the plan to revenge himself (after all he isn't getting paid for this one).

It didn't even started that bad, he came to the hotel and dragged his briefcase with him. From the outside the house looked nice, definitely old, but in a good state. When Sanguin went in, he could confirm that the inside was old too, but in a good way. The rooms were all clean and tidy kept, with mostly blank walls and only a few book shelves.

,,You."greeted him the dark haired girl. Her eyes narrowed ar his sight. If she was here the Skeleton couldn't be far away.

And true enough there it was.

,,You cannot be serious Anton."argued Skullduggery at his sight. Somehow Sanguin felt like he missed a part of the conversation....

But he decided to ignore that and play it cool.

,,Were can I check in?"asked Sanguin and grinned showing his withe teeth.

Nobody smiled back.

,,Ah come on, don't look all so sad. If someone is allowed to be all sulky and grim it's me."commented Sanguin ,,after all the last time I saw you, the littel girl cut me with that nasty sword."

,,You deserved it."shot the littel girl back and added ,,I am not littel!"

,,Tell yourself what you want littel girl. So back to the checking in?"asked Sanguin smiling again.

Still no one smiled back.

Slowly Sanguin got the feeling they really didn't liked him.

...

,,Don't trust him Anton, if you can throw him out."demanded Skuduggery while he followed his friend.

,,I won't trust him. But I won't throw him out. You know that the Midnight Hotel isn't like the sanctuary and throwing Sanguin out would be against the rules."shot Anton back without hesitation.

,,Then make an exception."asks Skullduggery, tying to convince his friend to listen to him. Even trough he knows that it is hopeless.

,,And then what? If I make one exception, then there will be a second and a third. Before I know what I have done it will be a rule on it's own. I can't allow this."decided Anton and the argument was over.

,,At least let is stay Anton. We will make sure that Sanguin cannot steal an remant."asks Skullduggery his friend.

,,No, you and the girl have to go. Of you would stay you will make trouble. I know you Skullduggery and I don't want to fight against you, so go."demands Anton after a littel thinking. He just knows his friend to well.

,,If you wish. I will get Valkyrie and we will be on our way."

....

,,So, how does it feels if someone stings you with a sword?"asked Valkyrie curiously.

,,Oh,I never have felt better. You should try it yourself it has somethingh wonderful refreshing."answers Sanguin, suppressing his anger at the thought of the pain.

Even know he can still feel were the wound was and damn it,it is a pain in the ass.

,,No, thank you isn't my kind if thingh."replies Vakyrie smiling watching the killer.

,,Don't say that littel girl. Every one can try it."gives Sanguin back, glaring daggers at her.

,,Naahh, I will leave it to you. By the way, what do you have in that briefcase of yours?"asked Valkyrie smiling softly at him. Hoping to find out what she and the Skeleton want to know.

,,A book and a few clothes. Why do you ask? Do you need any advice to pick a decent book. I personally am a big fan of Harry Potter."admits Sanguin, knowing that isn't what the little girl wanted to know.

,,You like Harry Potter?"asks Valkyrie unable to hide her disbelief.

,,Of course I do. I have somethingh called taste. Maybe one day you will know what that is too."says Sanguin smiling sweetly at her.

,,Oh don't worry about that. But are you sure that you don't accidentally have an soul catcher in your briefcase. Just wondering."adds Valkyrie.

,,No,I don't know what I possibly could use that thingh for. I mean, what would I want with it, seems pretty useless, unless you want to catch a soul."replies Sanguin, half smiling.

,,Sure you don't want a new soul? The one you have right now us a littel twisted and dark,for my liking."replies Valkyrie.

,,Doesn't every one has at least a littel darkness inside their soul? After all there can't be light without darkness."points Sanguin out.

,,Some have a lighter soul and some a more darkened. I think yours works without any light."snaps Valkyrie triumphantly.

,,Maybe. But one day the Skeleton will turn your soul just as dark and twisted as mine us right now."shoots Sanguin back.

,,Oh just admit your defeat Sanguin. You know I have won, so be a man and suck it up."

.......

The hotel room is nice, thinks Sanguin, waking around slowly and inspecting it. The walls are painted in an white colour and the bed is huge with a soft mattress.

All in all really good. But boring all the same. While he has tried to concentrate on his book, Sanguin can't supress the feeling of boredom coming up.

After a while he decides to go down and search for a decent distraction.

Down there it is quit and Sanguin gets slightly disappointed, after all he has some time to kill, before the plan starts working. Time for a nice book,things Sanguin walking trough the rooms. Not sure if he just can grab one book,of if that would be theft. But then, dies he really care.

Standing still he tries to make a good decision.

He has done worse than stealing, but stealing from Shudder seems like a thingh that gets you into an early grave......

After all the guy is scary..... pretty much like Dusk, maybe even scary.

,,Are you just going to stand threre?"interrupts a voice him suddenly.

Startled Sanguin makes a littel jump and has to supress a scream.

,,Damn it! Don't give me an heart attack."snaps Sanguin and turns around, with his heart racing.

,,I don't intend to."answers Shudder calmy sitting down at the table in the middle of the room.

,,What are you doing?"asks Sanguin suspiciously, knowing that Shudder and he are still enemies. No rule if a hotel will change that.

,,I am managing the hotel."says Shudder looking at Sanguin as if he is the one that just suddenly appears out of the blue.

,,And what are you currently managing? Because I sure as hell ain't seeing anything that got to be managed hear. Honestly I got the feeling that is just an excuse. So, are you sure you are making something or are you doing.......somethingh other?"ends Sanguin trying to supress the urge to talk more. He knows that his urge to talk is a sign of his nervousness.

,,Are you saying that I am lying?"says Shudder getting up and stepping closer. Not good, thinks Sanguin. Suddenly his mouth seems to go dry and his head seems empty.

As Shudder stops before him only a few steps before him, Sanguins heart is racing and he finds himself cought in these deep brown eyes.

,,I am not exactly saying that you are lying."tries Sanguin to get out of the whole thingh.

But it seems like Shudders eyes can see behind his sunglasses and his excuses.

,,Really, what are you saying?"asks Shudder raising one eyebrow questioning.

,,I forgot? It just kind of slipped my mind?"tries Sanguin. Looking at Shudder and finds it hard to concentrate on the fact that Abton is his enemy. Slowly he begins to find his glares drawn more to the facts hiw good Shudder looks ose up.

Sure he is scary, but that seems to be part of his charm.....focus Sanguin thinks Sanguin trying to slap himself mentally.

,,You forgot?"asks Shudder and Sanguin doesn't knows what to make out of it. He hasn't gotten any clue what they are doing here or what Shudder things. For Godssake why couldn't he just stay upstairs!

,,Sure. I forgot."agrees Sanguin and tries his best to look innocent. Feeling like he committed just a crime by lying. Which is stupid, because he has done worse things than lying.

,,Fine then."with these words walks Shudder away and leaves a confused Billy-Ray behind.

......

Dusk is coming and it is getting darker with every second. Time to get the theft done.  
Suddenly Sanguin phone rings and he picks it up.

,,I think there us a problem?"asks of course the idiot Scapegrace, who else sould be it?thinks Sanguin annoyed. Not even once coult the guy do what he was supposed to do.

,,What the hell us it know? I swear if it is another complain about the missing respect they give you....."growled Sanguin. Trying his best to calm down.

,,No, I mean I would like it, if they would respect me. But do you remember that you said they aren't allowed to eat humans?"asks Scaoegraceabd sounds like a littel child which just broken an expensive Vase.

,,Don't tell me that you failed to do the one thingh that was asked of you."snaps Sanguin, but he already knows the answer.

,,It was only one human......not even a big one."tries Scapegrace.

Sighing Sanguin ignores the excuses and ends the conversation. That moment he knows fir sure that their plan has failed, at least in this part.

.......

,,There could be a problem."interrupted a voice Antons thoughts. Suprised turns the hotel owner around and faces Sanguin, who looks as far from happy as possible.

,,A problem of what kind?"asks Anton getting the feeling it won't be a minor problem. Like the usual hotel problems, this isn't going to be a question about towels, showers or blankets.

,,A Zombie Problem."answers Sanguin slowly. The killer seems like he knows it is bad and part of somethingh he us responsible for. Slowly Anton gets the feeling he should have listened to what Skulldugery said.

,,The Midnight hotel is secured against Zombies."replies Anton.

,,Not if you do it right."mutters Sanguin and gieves Anton a paper with some symbols on it.

,,Why are you telling me this?"asks Anton knowing well enough that this must be part of a plan.

,,Because they ate human flesh."

,,You're an idoit."says Anton.

,,I fear your right."

..........

Not much later they have agreed on a plan. It is pretty simple and not that hard

. ,,We will just fight them?"asks Sanguin suspiciously. He doesn't like the odds, after all there are dozen of Zombies out there and only two of them in here.

,,Right."replies Shudder and Sanguin tries to figure out if he is being sarcastic. For him the face and with this the emotions of Shudder are unreadable. ,,Do you have any weapons?"asks Sanguin hoping for a yes and maybe a nice sword or something magical. A gun would be good too.

,,Even first had some, I wouldn't give you one."answers Shudder looking down at him with narrowed eyes.

,,That is a littel bit extreme, I think. I mean I get that you don't want to trust me, but if we want to survive this, you will have too. How do you want to fight them? With your bare hands?"asks Sanguin amused and uncomfortable at the same time. He Hope's that's not the plan.

,,No, I will use my gist."replies Shudder coldly. ,,I don't like that."mutters Sanguin. If he us concerned then the gits should be as far away from him as possible. Shudder uses not to reply to that one and just waits. The zombies are coming.

.....

Not once had Sanguin thought there would be so may of them. But of course Scapgrace has at least done this part right and only failed to control them. Great work, things Sanguin annoyed. As soon as it got dark, the Zombies began to come in. It didn't mattered to them, if it was a window or a door. First they broke it and then they came in, sometimes they even got stuck in a window, because three of them tried to come in at the same time.

But the ones who made it actually in proved to be a problem. A straight razor was just not the weapon to fight dozen of dead people who didn't bleed if you cut them. At this point Shudder was still fighting against the zombies with bare hands sometimes.

Or sometimes he used a lamp or a chair for defence. Not that it slowed the Zombies down much, there were just to much of them and they were getting more and more every second. Not good, a long way from good.

,,How many of them are there?"asks Shudder while dodging one Zombie and ending the existence of another one.

,,I don't know."replies Sanguin helplessly, cursing this foolish plan. Sighing Shudder pushes one Zombie away from himself and concentrates. Slowly a head appears out of Shudders chest, with wild long and black hair showing his teeth.

Then follow arms and legs. Screaming the gist comes out killing the nearest Zombie and going for the next. As soon as the gist appears Sanguin doesn't hesitate and tunnels away. The wound in his stomach hurts like hell, but he pushes the pain aside, getting killed by the gost would be much more painfully. Not that he gets far, but far enough away from the gist.

..........

One second Sanguin is there and the next he isn't recognised Anton. Knowing it is the right decision for Sanguin, if he wants to live. While Sanguin flees the gist starts to kill everything that moves with a merciless hunger for death.

Even if Anton wanted to control he couldn't anymore, not now. Using the strength he has left after fighting Anton tries to hold tight onto the gist, not willing to hand control over. While the Zombies fight and lose, Anton fights against giving in.

Every time he uses the gist it becomes stronger and the feeling to just let it take over too. By now he has to fight every second against it, as soon as he let's it out and it is tiring. The worst is, that he wants to give in, after all what has he to live for now that the war is over?

_The man you love is dead, _whispers the gist.

_The only ones who need you are the guest in this very hotel, what a live is that?_

Shudder ignores that one too.

_You never even considered a relationship since he is dead .........even trough these days the society is soooooo accepting._

Fuck of, thinks Anton.

_Oh no. Not as long as I have to share a body with you. That you are in charge is a thingh I can live with..... But that you deny me the satisfaction and the fun of sex is irresponsible. And unfair._

Shut up thinks Anton. It is my life, I never wanted you.

_Don't try to make such excuses. How about a deal, my dear Anton? I kill all these Zombies and after that.....I get a littel fun. _

Even if I would want to give you this....fun I would need someone willingly. I see no one who would do this, replies Anton.

_Oh Shudder, I bet the Texan is willingly enough....and good enough in bed to for a littel fun._

I would never sleep with the enemy, growls Anton.

_Oh Anton. Just think about it. You must admit....he doesn't look bad.... Imagine it._

Dream on,snaps Anton at the gist and then suddenly the last Zombie dies. And Anton regains control, pulls the gist back. Even trough it screams and threaten him in his head.

Exhausted Shudder falls on his knees and drops over.

.........

The fight is over, Sanguin could hear it. There is the typical lack of sound after a battle. Only that usally after a short silence you can hear the groans of the wounded ones. Not this time.

Knowing that Shudder must have the gist controlled by know, otherwise Sanguin would hear it. He walked down and searched for him. Shudder was were he left him exhausted and lying on the floor. Apparently unconscious.

Instantly Sanguins conscience kicked in and he felt guilty.  
Damn it he thought, Shudder us still my enemy.  
But he knew too, that Shudder saved his life with using the gist. And risked his own doing so.  
But he had no choice, argued Sanguin with himself. After all the Zombies would have killed Shudder too, not only him.  
Still.  
He owed Shudder his life.

As Sanguin bent down to grab the key, he let his gaze wander. While he took the key from Shudders necklace he couldn't stopp his gaze from wandering.  
Shudder didn't looked peaceful in his current unconscious state. Shudder looked kire exhausted and like someone tried to beat him up.  
But still there was somethingh in his face that gave him still a strong and determined look, even unconscious.

Concentrate!, told Sanguin himself and tightened his grip around the key.  
He should leave, he knew it, but somethingh in him seemed to be repulsed by this thought.  
Oh dam it, thought Sanguin and looked at Shudder again.  
It didn't seemed like the guest user had any real wounds, onmy some shallow cuts.  
Sanguin knew that it wasn't some deep wound that led to Shudder being unconscious.  
It was more of a exhausting thingh.

I can't really do somethingh told Sanguin himself and with that he turned around, with the key on his hand.  
He had a remant to capture after all.

.........

Shudder felt bad, exhausted above all. Tired even trough he knew that he had been out quit a while.  
Not that he was supriesd, after all he hadn't used his gist for a long time.  
Only one advantage seemed to come with using the gist, he could always rely on.  
It was quite now.

Fir once he was alone in his head again.  
But there was no time to enjoy it, moving oy so slightly Shudder yried to find out were he was.  
It wasn't that uncomfortable.  
Not as uncomfortable as it should be, realised Shudder.  
This wasn't the hard floor of his hotel.  
Opening his eyes, he began to look around.

,,Waking up, skeapong beauty?"drawled a amused voice with a accent of the south states of the USA.

,,What are you still doing here?"asked Shudder, trying too figure out, what the heel the killer was still doing here.  
After all he wasn't stupid he knew the killer had come to get a remant.  
This must be the perfect occasion for a getting one.  
So what the hell was the guy doing here?

,,It looks to me, but I could be wrong, like I am nursing you back to health."replied the killer.

,,Why?"muttered Shudder.  
He could think of a few reasons, like keeping him as a hostage.  
Or anything evil.

,,You saved my life, kind of at least."muttered Sanguin and didn't seemed to happy about it. ,,And that is a bad thingh?"asked Anton almost amused.

,,Of curse it is!"snapped Sanguin back, as if he would have preffered to die....

,,Next time you are in trouble and about to die, I'll let you, don't worry."replied Shudder.

,,No funny, Shudder"warned Sanguin.

,,Really? I wasn't joking. If you don't want me to save your life......"trailed Shudder of.

,,It is not like I don't want to live, I rather enjoy it. But I sure as hell don't want to owe my life to you."

,,Why not? It isn't like you are the guy to repay such a favor, more of the contrary."

,,Because I am a killer?"asked Sanguin and seemed offended.

,,Well, yes. It isn't like you guys are all about being thankful and nice."pointed Shudder out.

,,Maybe not, but I am going to repay you. Which means I can't kill you anymore."replied Sanguin.

,,As if you could."

,,Excuse me?" ,,Come on Sanguin. If it comes to a fight between me and you, we both know who will win."

,,Yes, me."

,,Nice try. But even without the gist, I will always win."

,,That is just purly arrogant."

,,No, it is common sense. You ought to use yours once in a time. Could be from use the next time you plan something."suggested Shudder.

,,How could I ever know that Scapegrace couldn't even stopp then from eating humans? That isn't that hard, even a idiot like him should be able to do it."muttered Sanguin defensive and seemed to be....sulking? Shudder almost laughed at the killer. Almost.

,,I am not an idiot."declared a voice from the outside. Scapgrace, guessed Shudder, even trough he never met that guy. He had heard of him, trough Skulldugery. Sighing Shudder began to get up, if this ofiot if a Zombie was still out there, then he must be stopped. Preferrinngly before he managed to turn some innocent humans into Zombies again.

,,What are you doing?"questioned Sanguin while Shudder tried to ignore the exhaustion which still weighed him down.

,,I am going out there and then I will finish these idiots."declared Shudder as if it was obvious. For Sanguin it wasn't.

,,No, you aren't. Your still to exhausted."argued Sanguin and pressed him back onto the couch again. If Shudder hadn't been so tired and exhausted, he would easily have gotten up. But he was tired and exhausted, that was why the killer succeeded in pressing him back to the couch again.

,,But someone has to deal with with these idiots."pointed Shuddr out.

,,I will."answered Sanguin.

,,You? Are you sure?"

,,Of course I am, why wouldn't I?"

,,Well.....of course I don't want to offend you. But besides from your magic you aren't exactly a good fighter."replied Shudder raising an eyebrow. Both of them knew that Sanguin had lost most of his magic. Shudder hadn't to mention this.

,,Sometimes it is better to use your brain, rather than fight."argued Sanguin offend back.

,, I don't see you doing this either."

,,Are you suggesting that I am stupid?"snapped Sanguin furiously, while he blushed. Shudder couldn't help it, but find it amusing beyond everything. He never thought that teasing a killer was such fun....

,,I am not suggesting that you are stupid. I am just suggesting that you aren't the brightest." For a moment Sanguin just starred at him, trying to find an answer that would defeat Shudder. But after a short silence which seemed to stretch into a long one, he gave up.

,,This isn't over."snapped Sanguin, before he went outside. Shudder watched amused as the killer stormed out of the room. That was a nice way to wake up from using his gist, thought Shudder. .........

,,We will kill you."declared Scapegrace. ,,You are to incompetent to do this."pointed Sanguin out.

,,I am not!"snapped Scapegrace and then he attacked Sanguin. With a jump he leapt forward and lunged for the killer. Said killer just stepped aside and watched as Scapgrace fell to the ground.

,,Nice try."commented Sanguin.

,,No, this wasn't a try this is just the start of my real attack. I will get to you and then it will be pure art. Your death will be the first one of many and every death will be a masterpiece."snapped Scapgrace.

,,Just go, before I kill you again."replied Sanguin desinteredsted.

,,Before you kill me? That...."began Scapgrace a new speech. Sanguin stepped forward to the Zombie, who was still lying on the grass.

,,Master we ought to go."muttered the only other left Zombie and grapped Scapegrace. Then they were gone. And Shudder questioned his ability? That hadn't even taken more than a minute. Stupid hotel owner, thought Sanguin.

.........

Shudder could here them argue outside. He didn't knew why the killer didn't just...well killed them, after all it was literally his job. But out of a to him unknown reason the killer just got them to leave. As soon as the killer entered Shudder looked at him.

,,Took you long enough." ,,No thank you? Well done Sanguin? Not even a littel grateful? That is a littel unthankful and impolite. After all they weren't my problem. Because this isn't my hotel. I just came here for business not to help you, with your littel problems."

,,If you really think about it, then I can say with absolute certainty that this is all your fault."

,,My fault? This couldn't be possible.... .okay it is my fault."

,,Good, now that you have admitted to that. Were is the key?"asked Shudder.

,,Which key? Tge key to the hotel, I swear I don't have it! And besides do you ever really close the hotel? I always wanted to know if....."trailers Sanguin of.

,,I want to know were the key is, which usually hangs on my necklace."growled Shudder.

,,Well, that one.... you ought to be more specific, now I know what you are talking about. But well.....you can have it back."replied Sanguin and took the key out of his pocket and gave it to Shudder.

,,You already stole a remant."stated Ahudder as a matter of fact, looking at the key.

,,Of course I did. After I dragged you to the couch, by the way, why do you weigh so much?  
Well after that I went got a remant, gave it to Dusk which brought to our secret headquater.  
Then I came back in here and waited for you to finish your beauty sleep."ended Sanguin.

,,Bring me my smart phone."demanded Shudder and starred at Sanguin. Shudder knew he had to tell Skulldugery or well anyone that a remant was lose.

,,Doesn't seems like such a good idea."answered Sanguin and starred right back.

Shudder narrowed just eyes and starred at the eyeless killer.

,,Get me my smart phone."

,,Not happening big guy."

,,Sanguin....."

,,Don't threaten me. We both know that in your current state you aren't able to harm me.  
Do you self a favor and safe your breath."

.........

Sanguin stayed, somethingh which Shudder stil suprised.  
After a while he Shudder started to feel better, but not much, not enough to get up and walk around.  
But better.  
Right now the killer star opposite and starred down at him.  
It was afternoon now and since the morning nothingh much had changed.  
Well apart from the fact, that they had nothingh to talk about anymore.

,,How long do you need to recover?"asked Sanguin and broke the silence.  
Anton could hear the unspoken, he long do I need to stay?

,,Depends. Maybe a day and I will walk again."which was a white kid. After a day he could walk. But not really far, it would take him a minimum of three days to regain his energy and strength.

,,Well, then. Were do you usally live? I mean you don't sleep on this couch, you actually have a real bed, don't you?  
Because that just would be strange."added Sanguin and looked at him.

,,I have a few rooms for myself, the left door next to the reception leads to them."explained Shudder.

,,If I help you, do you think you could walk to these rooms?"asked Sanguin. Looking at him with a certain glare that suggested that he wasn't so happy about the idea.

,,We can at least try."

..........

,,Why the hell do you have to weigh that much?"muttered Sanguin while he tried his best not to let himself get weighed down.

,,Muscles weigh more than fat."muttered Shudder.

,,Are you calling me fat?"asked Sanguin dangerously quit.

,,Not really."

,,Then what are you saying?"demanded the killer to know, in his strange accent.

,,I am saying I have more muscles then you and I am taller. If you think about it you can figure out, why I weigh more."pointed Shudder out, still lying on the couch.

,,Whatever."muttered Sanguin and then asked ,,Have you anything to eat here?"

,,You plan to stay until dinner?"asked Shudder.  
No one had so far stayed in his rooms until dinner.  
Most people didn't even ever see his rooms.  
Only his friends from the dead man ever visited him and somtimes can in, but they never stayed.

,,I plan to stay until you are fit again and I will hope that a opportunity to save your life turns up soon."replied Sanguin, shrugging it off.  
As if it wasn't a big deal.  
No one stayed with Anton, they all had other things to do.  
Until he met Larrikin, but he to left him, when he died.

,,Do you really hope that you will get to save my life?"asked Shudder.  
He couldn't believe that the killer really thought that someone would just happen to turn up, trying to kill Shudder and that he then could save Shudder.

,,Well, I am starving too. So can we go back to my question about food?"

.......

Usally Shudder cooked his meals, at least dinner. Breakfast and lunch were more a time to take a littel snack until he would eate real food when dinner time came.

Seeing Sanguin using his kitchen and cooking a meal, well it was.....strange. But nice too, thought Shudder seeing someone else cooking, knowing you hadn't to raise a finger.

Plus Sanguin wasn't a hard guy in the eyes too, Shudder had to admit.  
Maybe he should think about getting back into the game. Perhaps not with the killer he watched right now, but there must be other guys out there.

,,I am nearly finished."announced Sanguin and turned around to him asking ,,do you need help getting to the table?"

Shudder only nodded, he didn't liked in the last that he had to admit weakness to an enemy.  
But not for much longer, thought Shudder, after the meal he ought to be able to walk on his own again.

As soon as Shudder was seated and Sanguin placed the food on the table and sat opposite of him, Shudder eyed the food suspiciously.

,,What is this?"asked Shudder tdying to recall if he ever are anything resembling the food he currently had on his plate.

,,Chilli com carne. As far as I know it means Chili with meat."translated Sanguin the foods name.

,,Interesting."muttered Shudder and tested the food, it was actually quite good.

,,And how does it tastes?"asked Sanguin watching him like hawk.

,,Good."replied Shudder then, taking another spoonful and then a next. Even trough it was a littel spicy, Shudder liked the taste. 

..

After they had finished eating Shudder felt grate, as if he hadn't used his gist at all. Soon he and Sanguin started talking about this and that.   
After a while Shudder helped Sanguin getting the dishes into the dishwasher.  
The next thing they did, (Shudder didn't remebered which idea it was) was starting to drink wine.  
Later Shudder mourned the wine, it had been a really good one.

,,Never knew you had such a good wine taste, respect big guy."muttered Sanguin his speech already a littel slurred.

,,Big guy?"asked Shudder raising an eyebrow. The alcohol had loosened his tongue too. And he was curious what got him that nick name exactly.

,,Your tall, you have a lot of muscles. Hence your a big guy."replied Sanguin.

,,Then you must be the small guy. Short and well not such much muscles."teased Shudder.

,,I am clearly not short! You're just taller. And I have muscles too."replied Sanguin somwhat offended, taking a sip from his wine glass.

,,Well in my opinion you are short."argued Anton.

,,We can't all just grow until we hit the roof."muttered Sanguin ,,And fir the muscles were di they come from? Do they just appear or di you really train with weights?"

,,I don't use weighs, everything us purely good given."with these words Shudder took a sip from his wine.

,,Don't bullshit me Shudder. I know that muscles don't just appear without training. Especially not the ones you have."

,,The ones I have."

,,You know, I can only see muscles on you and nearly no fat. I would bet that you have a six pack too."then Sanguin tried to sip on his wine again, it was empty.

,,We need a new bottle."muttered Sanguin and stood up ,,I will get one."

Shudder just watched Samguin get a bottle and a hour or two later he watched Sanguin get a third bottle.

,,Is this how you spent all your evenings?"asked Sanguin, even trough Anton almost didn't understood. By know they were both drunk and not just a littel. Both of them couldn't articulate properly anymore. By know Ahudder guessed most of the times what Sanguin said, but they still kept on talking.

,,No, normally I spent my nights alone."replied Shudder.

,,All nights?"asked Sanguin supried back.

,,All nights."confirmed Shudder.

,,So, you never long for.....company?"

,,Not really."replied Shudder.

That was when they kissed, or at least Shudder remevered it like this. He didn't knew if he kissed Sanguin or Sanguin him.  
The only things he was sure about was:  
that they were both drunk.  
That neither he nor Sanguin stoppped.  
And the last one they needed up in his bed.


	2. Chapter 2

Waking up wasn't a pleasant thingh. The first thingh Sanguin felt was a headache forming. After that he registered the taste of alcohol in his mouth.  
Then he came to the realisation that he felt like shit.  
Onmy then he opened his eyes, or better said his eye holes and looked around.

He was in a bed.  
Not much of a suprise.  
It wasn't his bed.  
Not that uncommon.  
There was another human in this bed.  
Not that strange either.  
They were both naked it seemed.  
Sanguin could live with that.  
The other human was a man.  
That never happend before.  
The man was Anton Shudder.  
Not good.

They lay not far away, but they didn't really touched. For a moment Sanguin considered to just run away.  
But unless he wanted to run away, he had to dress again and his only clothes nearby were currently lying on the floor.  
Not good.  
As soon as he moved, Shudder would wake up, after all the guy was a dead man.  
Good, the guy was his enemy.

While Sanguin laid on the bed, he tried to remeber what happened last night, but he couldn't really recall what happend.  
If he wanted he could guess most of it, but he wanted to know.  
Had they really had slept with one another?  
How many did they drank?  
Stuff like that were things Sanguin wanted to know.

Especially the part, if he they had had sex.  
Normally Sanguin was fine with people being gay, but he found it strange that maybe he was too.  
Looking at Shudder, he decided that this man could probably give him a few answers.  
Time for the hotel owner to wake up, decided Sanguin.

.........

There was someone shaking him softly and the someone called his babe softly.

,,Anton, damn it wake up."muttered the guy.

Not a random guy, remebered Shudder. Sanguin, the killer.  
The guy who stole a remant and then came back, cooked dinner and then they both got drunk.

,,What?"snapped Shudder, he wasn't a morning person and the only reason he woke up early was work.

,,I have a few questions."relied Sanguin

Shudder sighed, of course the killer couldn't just grant him some peace. No the guy would of course annoy him at the first possible chance.

Turning around, Shudder faced the killer, who was still naked.

,,What do you want to know?"asked Shudder eyeing the killer annoyed. He hoped for a few short questions and that after he answered them, he could go back to sleep.

,,I don't remembering about last night."stated Sanguin as a matter of fact.

,,Go on."encouraged Shudder him. The sooner the killer started asking questions the sooner Anton could go back to sleep.

,,Had we sex last night?"asked the killer then and blushed a littel.

,,Are we wearing any clothes?"asked Shudder back.

,,No."replied the killer.

,,Doesn't answers that your question?"

,,No, not really."

,,We had sex."muttered Anton hoping that was it.

,,Really and you remeber it?"asked Sanguin looking at him with an expression Shudder couldn't read.

,,This is about sleeping with a man, isn't it?"asked Shudder narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

........

The way Shudder looked at him, wasn't a nice way. There was anger in Shudders glare.  
For a moment Sanguin thought of lying.  
After all, Shudder looked already offended, maybe he could tell him it was only the fact, that he slept with the enemy.  
But what use would it be?

,,Yes it is."replied Sanguin then.

,,As far as I remevered you were eager enough to sleep with me."replied Shudder coldly.  
I should have lied, thought Sanguin looking at the angered face from Shudder.

,,How eager?"asked Sanguin, hoping it wasn't an embarrassing answer.

Instead of an answer Shudder leaned forward and kissed him on the mouth.  
Sanguin could feel Shudders soft lips on his and then his tongue.  
After that he cod feel a hand wandering up his arm until it rested on his chest.  
First Sanguin was suprised but in the end he didn't pulled back,no he kissed Shudder back. When Anton pulled away, Sanguin couldn't deny he wanted more.

,,That eager."answered Shudder finally.

,,Ok."replied Sanguin, now left with new questions. But he didn't dared to ask them.

,,Are you homophobe?"

Sanguin starred confused at Anton

At first he didn't really got it. But then he realised the meaning and he felt....insulted.  
At the same time he understood why Shudder asked it.

,,Not really."replied Sanguin and it was the truth, just not all of it.

.........

Sanguin went back to his job, back to his father. Back to their littel revenge group.

,,Were have you been?"asked Dusk, looking at him strangely.

,,Away."replied Sanguin vague, no way he would tell the vampire about him and Shudder.

,,I know that? But were exactly were you?"for once the vampire seemed genuinely interested in Sanguins life. Most of the time it was the opposite, Sanguin annoying Dusk with questions and Dusk refusing to answer.  
Somhow, Sanguin reflected, it was funnier to ask, then ti her asked.

,,I just had......a littel fun. You could call it a vacation, I guess."answered Sanguin avoiding any eye contact and sat down on a chair.

,,A littel fun? A vacation, while you are on a job?"asked Dusk not even trying to hide his disbelief ,,even you aren't that unprefesionell."

,,Your wrong about that, I am definitely that unprofessional."muttered Sanguin. Not even a littel but insulted by Dusks accusation.

,,So, that was it? A littel vacation?"asked Dusk raising an eyebrow. Then the vampire looked him straight in the eye holes and said,,I don't believe you."

,,I don't care."replied Sanguin and began reading a book. While he turned the pages, he was more than aware of Dusk glaring at him.  
But Sanguin didn't looked up, above all he didn't wanted to talk about Shudder.

........

Only a hour after the killer woke up, he left.  
Somehow it felt like an insult.  
Shudder knew it shouldn't be and that it was better not only for Sanguin, but for him too.  
It still felt like an insult.

_Just admitt to yourself that he was a drunk mistake._

Sighing Shudder stopped doing paperwork and lowered the pen he was holding.

Shut up, snapped Shudder. You were the one suggesting that whole thingh? And it happens can't you be happy and just shut the fuck up.

_It doesn't work like that, Shudder. _

Why not? We both would be a lot happier, if we didn't had to argue all the time.

_Maybe, but that isn't something I do. My dear Anton I don't back down and you already know what I am going to tell you._

Just stop, I don't want to hear it. Larrikin was such a long time ago.

_And you still feel guilty, don't you? You ask yourself what could have been.... if you two would ge happy right now. And every person you even look at with the slightest interest......feels like betrayal._

Larrikin will always be the love of my life.

_Oh Anton. _

If not for that dam war..... _but there was a damn war, Anton...... _if there wasn't that dam war, he would be here. With me.

_Tell yourself that if you want to.... but in the end it does not change anything. Larrikin is dead and you are alive....Sanguin is alive too._

Seems so, snapped Anton back.

_That is what makes you feels guilty about all, doesn't it? Knowing that you want, now that you had a taste of what could be....a relationship._

Oh please, no one other than Larrikin....

...._oh Shudder. Larrikin is now so long dead that you are starting to move on. And well....a killer is certainly not the wisest choice..........but a killer us still a choice. So don't lie to yourself Anton, go and get yourself a boyfriend._

Shut up.

...........

The moment they spotted into separated groups Sanguin knew this wasn't going to ho according after there plan. It never did.

,,Sure you don't want to tell me anything?"asked Dusk, looking at him, as if he knew more than Sanguin. 

,,I am sure."replied Sanguin without hesitation and glared at the vampire. Said Vampire shrugged and turned around.

,,Lying to yourself, won't get you far."yelled the vampire over his shoulder before he vanished.

Sanguin breathed out and turned around, he had to do his part after all.

....

,,They were at Serpines castle."explained Skulldugery while he starred at him. 

,,So you cought them?"asked Shudder sighing and looking at his old friend, which had came to deliver the news.

,,Not really. They had an army of paper man and we had to.....do a strategic retreat and come back later."answered Skullduggery tilting his head.

,,But in the end you cought them."replied Shudder, having heard alittel of the news by now. Sure most if it were rumours and since was clearly a lie or exaggerated, but most must be true.

,,We cought Skarab and Springer Jack. Theoretical we cought Guilt too, but he died when the Sanctuary was destroyed."

,,Devina Marr took a leave I guess?"questioned Shudder.

,,She is hiding, but will find her. Could you do me a favor and not let her in your hotel?"

,,I will try my best."replied Shudder, grieving the only answer he could give, without lying.

,,Like you did, with holding back the information that a remant escaped?"asked Skulldugery and it sounded like his friend was angered.

,,I would have called you sooner, but honestly? I couldn't."replied Shudder. He tried to keep it vague, Skulldugery didn't had to know that he andSanguin had.....a thingh.

,,Why not?"questioned his friend. Shudder knew then he had to maje a good excuse and lying wasn't really an option. A white lie must be enough.

,,There was a whole Zombie pack coming in. That was why I had to use my gist. While I was unconscious, Sanguin stole the key. Then he stole a remant, after that he came back and kept me from calling you."all in all it was a damn good lie thought Anton. For a moment he felt like his friend saw right trough his lie.

,,Sanguin isn't dangerous enough to make you do anything you don't want."pointed Skullduggery out.

,,I was exhausted and tired after I woke up and he didn't needed to fight me at all."

,,The gist is getting stronger."

,,It has since the day it appeard."

............

Of course the Skeleton and his littel protegee ruined it in the end. But if he could trust Duk, which was highly unlikely, then he would still get his revenge.

,,What exactly is strange about the way her blood tastes?"asked Sanguin....again.

,,You can't understand. I just knew the second I tasted it that there is something wrong with her. She will suffer, that is what I know."replied Dusk, shrugging it of.

,,She will suffer? This all?"asked Sanguin not even trying to hide his disappointment.

,,I am sure she will suffer terrible."

,,Nice for you."

,,Now, that this is sorted out.....let's go back to your littel vacation."changed the vampire the subject.

,,There is nothingh to tell."muttered Sanguin hoping that would stop the vampire.

,,Don't even try to lie Sanguin, tell me? What is it that you don't want me to know?"asked Dusk amused.

,,There is nothingh to tell."insisted Sanguin.

,,Was it.....somethingh you did?"asked Dusk waiting for a reaction.

,,There is nothingh to tell."repeated Sanguin.

,,So you did something. I guess we can agree that you wouldn't be ashamed of harming or killing someone. Stealing isn't a problem for you either........."

,,Okay let us agree on this and move on."declared Sanguin.

For a while Dusk started at him, obviously thinking. Without moving more then necicarrily the vampire mustered him.

,,Do you know that you have a hickey on your neck?"asked the vampire then slowly.

,,What?"exclaimed the Texaner and raised his hand to his neck. 

,,So you slept with someone."declared the vampire, proud that he found a clue. Sanguin glared daggers at the vampire.

,,Even if, I slept with some, it isn't forbidden is it?"asked the killer for hire and tried to kill the vampire with glares. Sadly it didn't worked.

,,No, but now the question is who you slept with."replied Dusk.

,,Can't we stop here?"asked Sanguin. He didn't really wanted the Vzmpire to know this about him.

,,There are only a few persons it could have been.....after all you were all the time at the midnight hotel."

,,How do you know where I was?I could have taken a plane to another country for all you know."snapped Sanguin.

,,You didn't,I checked your back account and you didn't had cash."

,,You checked my bank account?"snapped Sanguin and now he was furious.

,,O come on, I was curious about what you did....."replied the vampire without any guilt. That is the problem with psychopaths, reflected Sanguin, they see bo point in respecting privacy.

,,Stop checking my bank account it is creepy!"snapped Sanguin.

,,Back to your secret. The only persons arpund were Valkyrie, Skulldugery, the Zombies and the guests."stated Dusk as a matter of fact.

,,Ok, I admit it. I slept with a guest. Bad thingh I did, so back...."tried Sanguin, not his smartest move.

,,So it wasn't a a guest. I guess neither the Zombies, nor Skulldugery or Valkyrie."said Dusk ignoring him.

The happend something really strange, Dusk _smiled._

,,I can't believe it, you have something going on with the hotel owner."discovered Dusk smiling again.

,,Stop smiling, it is creppy."muttered Sanguin.

,,You are screwing a dead man, fantastic. Well done."stated Dusk looking as if he was about to laugh.

,,I am not."

,,Oh, don't try lying. I just have a few questions left. Who was on top?"asked Dusk and smirked.

,,I am going now."snapped Sanguin trying to hide the blush that crept up his face.

,,Oh come on, I haven't even started.....was it at least good?"

While Sanguin blushed he began to walk fast, trying to get as far away as possible. Dusks words brought the memory of Shudder kissing him up again. 

A memory he wanted to forget, after all it was just to strange.....at the same time it felt forbidden and so damn good.

........

Dating wasn't for him decided Shudder as he looked at the man sitting opposite of him.  
Not that it was completly awful or something like that.  
But every time Shudder looked at his dare, the guy seemed looked away and blushed.  
All the time his dare moved, unable to sit still, apparently feeling uncomfortable.  
Shudder had this effect on people.

He knew he was scary, after all he dressed in a black suit, didn't smile often, was tall and seed strong.  
And of course there was the thingh with him beeing a gist master.  
That was admittedly something that frightened people.  
No one who saw his gust, ever thought of it as harmless and cute.  
Everyone turned around and tried to flee.

But stil, his dare must know that he wasn't going to kill him, didn't he?,thought Shudder slighlty annoyed.

As soon as he was back in his hotel he felt save, welcomed.  
Here he was home.  
He and his dare left on neutral terms, both of them sure that a second date would be no use.  
Some part of Anton was glad.  
Beeing all polite, going out, beeing under people.  
That was all somethingh Shudder tried to avoid as good as he could.  
Not that he could all the time.

_Your a coward, are you really frightened of going out? Dates?_

I don't like people, replied Shudder, trying to ignore the gist. He shouldn't listen, he knew it, but sometimes it was nice to talk with somone and the gist was always there.

_I don't like people either, after all I prefer to kill them. But come on Anton, we both now that you are only trying to stay single._

I tried dating, didn't worked out, get over it, snapped Anton.

_You tried dating once, you can't just say it didn't worked out. Try it again! _

I am not a fan of dating, leave me be. Snapped Anton at the gist.

_Well if you don't like dating..........in theses kind of times there are more dating apps then anyone ever cares to know. Get one, encouraged the gist him._

I don't want too, argued Shudder back and added, why do you even want me to date? Hoping that this would made them change the theme.

_I'm bored._

_............._

,,I never had sex with a man. How does it even feels like? Was it any diffrent or the same?"

,,Don't you have somewhere to be? Aren't there people to kill? Plans to be made? Don't you have any vampire stuff to do?"

,,Vampire stuff? Really? You say this as if I had a checklist of Vampire things to do every day. That is a strange thingh to think."

,,Maybe I am a strange man. So you don't have any vampire stuff to do? No blood to drink?"

,,Don't try to change the theme."interupted Dusk Sanguin looking the killer straight into his eye holes.

Both of them were sitting in a littel apartment in the USA. Once again, Sanguin found himself asking why he was still spending time with the scary and now annoying vampire. Because there is no one else, willingly to spent time with me realised Sanguin.

............

The data dragg on, for him they seen to stretch into eternity. When he isn't working he feels lonely, longing for somone to spent his time with.  
Somone who likes him, biw he is, like Larrkin did.  
And with these thoughts comes the guilt.  
Even after all these years he doesn't seem to have moved on.  
When he catches himself thinking about the Texan the guilt follows in seconds.

But I deserve to be happy, thinks Shudder.  
Deep down he knows, that Larkin would want him to be happy.   
After all it was Larrkin, the nicest and warmest person he ever knew.  
But all reasoning doesn't help, every time his mind drifts to a man in a romantically way, the guilt haunts him.

Bitterly laughing Shudder closes his book and leans back in his armchair.  
It is one of his rare free times and he can't get Sanguin out of his mind.  
Sighing Shudder lays the book aside and leans back.  
This is frustrating.  
The more he tries to forget Sanguin, the stronger the thoughts about him come back.

If he really thinks about it, he knows there isn't going to be a future with Sanguin.  
After all he did freak out when he woke up in bed.  
Still, Shudder can't forget him.

Groaning in frustration Shudder gets up and decides to distract himself with somethingh more effective from the damned killer.

...........

Every question Dusks ask him make him think about the one night he spent with Shudder together.  
He still can't remeber it.  
But he begins to want it. There is only one kiss he remembers from Shudder, but it was a kiss that left him wanting more.  
And every question Dusk asked him made him remeber what happened that night, but what he couldn't remember.  
Had it been good?  
How had it felt?

Could there be another night? Could they do it again?  
At this Sanguin almost laughs, the way Shudder looked at him made it very clear that he was more mistake than anything else.  
I'm not wanted in the midnight hotel, but still.....

Despite having lost most memory due too extensive use of alcohol, Sanguin has enough memories to want Shudder.  
For a short time he tried date, but every woman reminded him of Shudder.  
Maybe he ought to try dating man, but Sanguin felt insecure about that.  
After all he had no experience and that freaked Sanguin out.  
He liked to know how to do something, he liked to be in control, to have a plan at least.  
Even if the plan failed in the end.

Going into a situation unprepared seemed.....stupid, idiotic, like a suicide mission.  
Even trough he knew that a failed date wouldn't kill him, it still made him nervous.  
Only thinking of a date with anyone made his palms sweaty, let his heartbeat and breathing go faster and left him wanting to never go on a date with a stranger.

Ironic, thought Sanguin frustrared, that he didn't had any problems with killing strangers.  
But asking a stranger out on a date seemed like the worst thingh to do.

Technically Shudder isn't a stranger, argued Sanguin with himself.  
But Shudder was...intimidating, a tall man with long, black hair, dark brown eyes who seemed to frown at you all the time.  
Attractive and scary at the same time.  
Not good, thought Sanguin, Shudder seemed even worse than dating somine else.  
If he would ever really consider asking Shudder fir a date, he would probably die of an heat attack.

,,You are thinking about him again, aren't you?"asked a too familiar voice amused.  
Instantly Sanguin had to supress the urge to jump out of his armchair.  
Damn that vampire, damn him for sneaking around, someday he would give Sanguin a heart attack!

,,Stop sneaking."snapped Sanguin,ettimg his frustration partly out at the Vampire.  
Never a good idea, but right know he felt pressured and freaked out.

,,Calm down Billy. I'm sure I can help you getting some.....more action with the man of your heart."promised Dusk him with a big and fat smirking in his face.  
Sanguin knew right then that Dusk would make fun of him for this forever.  
Great thought Sanguin sighing.

But if there was any chance that Dusk could really help him.......  
Sanguin could use any help he get and if Dusk was ready to help, why not?  
With a feeling he would regret this Sanguin opened his mouth and said ,,Then help me."  
Dusk grinned as soon as the words left Sanguins mouth and took a chair from the table in the kitchen and sat opposite of Sanguin.

,,I'll help you, but I want to hear every single bloddy detail."demanded Dusk with glowing eyes, smiling like a madman.  
He would cusre himself later for this, thought Sanguin.  
But if there were any details he could tell Dusk later, he would call it a success.  
And he felt to freaked out to ask Shudder anything or even talk to him, after all tha happened. 

,,Ok."agreed Sanguin, feeling as if he had just sold his soul to the devil.

............

Sometimes Shudder thought of tracking Sanguin down to see if there could be more of what they had......  
But he had a boned that thought again, after all there weren't many people who knew were Sanguin was and it wouldn't be easy to get them to talk.  
Plus he would have to abandon the hotel for quite a while.  
Nothingh of that seemed like a good think.

In the end Shudder decided against it.  
Which meant more days spent thking over a guy, he now knew he wouldn't get.  
Sitting behind the reception Shudder sighed again, after he had met Sanguin, sighing had become kind of a habit for him.  
It had become a habit for him too to think of Sanguin.

,,Shudder?"asked a voice almost stuttering, but not quite.  
Who ever that was, must be really nervous, thought Shudder.  
With another sigh he closed his book and looked up.

That couldn't be, was Shudders first thought.  
I must be hallucinating, thought Shudder, looking up right at Sanguin.

,,I came by....and I thought....."now Sanguin really was stuttering and the killer began to blush now too.  
It looked cute, thought Shudder getting up from his chair.  
Unsure what he would do, but he hoped it involved spending time with Sanguin.  
I really hope he isn't her only to ask for a hotel room, thought Shudder.  
Damn it, if he would stay here and wouldn't want to do anything with me........  
That would be hell on earth.

,,Would....you consider to maybe go on a date with me?"asked Sanguin out the rest of it broke out of the Texan in a such a speed that Shudder almost questioned himself, if he had heared the right thingh.

,,No."answered Shudder, now standing before the killer who seemed to sink into himself as he heard the answer.

,,Well....I'll go."muttered Sanguin ckrealy embarrassed, now completly red in the face.

,,Don't."ordered Shudder and grapped him on the arm.  
Slowly and confused turned Sanguin around.

As soon as they stopped opposite of each other, Shudder leaned down and kissed the killer softly.

,,Didn't you just said..?"asked the killer in utter confusion.

,,I don't want to date, but I want you."whispered Shudder in his ear and waited for an reaction.  
He knew that he would probably get a no.  
After all he was asking right now for a relationship which only involved sex and nothing else.  
Sanguin clearly had come here to get a date and in the end a real relationship.  
Not this.  
But that was all Shudder was able to give.

..

No dating, thought Sanguin knowing that probably meant a sexual relationship and only a sexual relationship.  
The way Shudder had said it implied it, but Shudder hadn't exactly said it.  
That fact made Sanguin unsure if that really was what Shudder wanted.

,,What do you mean with...?"began Sanguin after a littel hesitation.  
But he knew he would be later grateful he had asked.

,,I mean sex, no feelings no attachment, what do you say?"asked Shudder looking down af him.

Sanguin didn't knew what to say.  
He never had done this.  
One night stands, once in a while, but never a relationship solely for sex.  
But this was Shudder......

,,Yes, I say yes."


	3. Chapter 3

The next few months were full of secret meetings, in the midnight hotel.  
Both of them didn't had any intention to let anyone know what they didtogehter.  
Shudder was a dead man after all, he didn't wanted to be associated with a killer.  
Sanguin still struggled with dating a man.

They didn't talked about it, they didn't talked much at all.  
But what they did was great, Sangui had to admit that.

,,I want more details."complained Dusk sitting opposite of him at the table, sipping red wine.  
The vampire looked disappointed and betrayed.

,,You won't get any, I sure as hell aren't going to tell you about my sex life."insisted Samguin.  
That wasn't the first time they had the conservation.  
And it wouldn't be the last time, but Sanguin could live with that.  
But he couldn't live with Dusk knowing how he had sex.  
There were things he just didn't wanted to tell anyone.  
Even trough he told Dusk almost everything else.

,,Come on, you told me everything else!"complained Dusk again.  
Looking at Sanguin as if the Texan was torturing him tight now.  
Sanguin had not much standards, but he drew a line here.

,,No."

Apart from thse conversations there was no one he talked to about his relationship.  
Sanguin didn't even talked much with Shudder.  
Which he hadn't minded at first, but the longer they continued........  
The more he wanted them to become a real couple,he wanted to date Shudder.  
And at the same time he feared that somone would see them, him with another man.....

Sighing Sanguin threw his head back, he still hadn't come to terms with beeong gay.  
Maybe never would.  
But he felt like he was ripped into pieces.  
It made him sick to be with a man and to have the feeling that it wasn't right at the same time.

,,I got to go."excused Sanguin and stood up abruptly and left the table.  
Soon he would meet Shuddr again, the midnight hotel was coming to Texas and they would meet there.

..

For a long time norhingh changed, they mate in various Countries, always doing there best to hide what they were doing.  
No one knew what they did and when, and they kept there meetings always short.

Sanguin at the evening, stayed overnight and left in the morning again.  
They didn't talked about it.

But slowly somethingh changed, not their relationship itself, but something else.

,,Stay away from Tanith."demanded Shudder one day into Sanguins while they were lying in bed.  
It made Sanguin angry and hopefully at the same time.  
Angry because he didn't owed Shudder any loyalty, no one other than he decided who he slept with.  
On the other side Antons jealously made him hope that they once would be a real couple and not just two guys who occasionally meet for sex.

.......

Tanith made an impression on him the first time he saw her and he couldn't get her out of his head.  
It was like the time after he first had met Shudder.  
Even trough not that strong and after a littel while she faded away, like a bad dream.

But he saw her again and he realised that he liked her like he liked Shudder.  
The only problem was the guy with all thses scars and Shudder.

,,Stop that thingh with Tanith."muttered Shudder and now he sounded really jealous.  
His voice sounded angeredamd Sanguin could see the frown on his face.

,,For allI know, you could sleep with dozen man, when I'm away."replied Sanguin, surprised from himself.  
But as soon as he had said it, he knew that it was an issue.  
Because not only Shudder was jealous, Sanguin was too.  
After all Shudder was good looking, a hotel owner and good at everything they did on bed.  
No way that he was the only one Shudder saw.

,,Excuse me?"cake it from Shudder and the gist master sounded suprised and confused.

,,Come on, you look good, you're a dead man for Gids sake and you got this mysterious tall, brooding guy thingh going on.  
There must be dozen man wanting you."muttered Sanguin and starred challenging at Shudder.

,,I swear your the only man for me.  
But to me it seems that I'm not the only man for you."pointed Shudder out.

Both of them were sitting now on the bed, eying each other angrily.  
Sanguin could see jealousy in Shudders eyes and he felt the very same feeling himself.

,,If I'm really the only man for you, then why don't we date?"asked Sanguin confused and angry.  
With every time they had met he had liked Shudder more and more and he wanted this to be serious.

,,We don't dare because......because we can't."said Shudder refusing to look at Samguin.

,,Well then we can't be together."snapped Sanguin angrily at Shudder.  
He just didn't got it, how could Shudder claim that he was the only man in his life, but at the same time deny him a date?

,,You are breaking up, with me, because I won't go on a date with you?"asked Shudder disbelieving.  
He looked utterly confused, as if Sanguin was the unreasonable one.

,,Tell me one good reason, why we shouldn't date."snapped Sanguin at him.  
He starred at the dead man, daring him to say anything.

,,You can't love."replied Shudder camly and sadly at the same time, looking at Sanguin as if he was.....the one who refused to date.

,,Because I'm a psychopath?  
Are you really telling me, that is all you see when you look at me?  
Damaged goods?  
A man unable to feel lik love?"snapped Sanguin.  
,,How do you dare to tell me that I can't feel love?"

,,Because you can't."replied Shudder calmly, as if it was a fact that Sanguin couldn't.  
As if somone had come looked at Sanguin exclaimed him and scientific proved Sanguin couldn't love.  
It hurt beeing limited like this.

,,So, you are saying that we date is my fault?"asked Sanguin feelimg humiliated.  
Was that really how Shudder saw him?  
Not as somone who he had a relationship with or who he even liked.  
Just somone he had sex with.

,,It is just the way you are.  
I know you can't help it, but it means..."began Shudder.

,,We are over."snapped Sanguin and began to gather his clothes.

What hurt most,when he left, that Shudder didn't said a damn word.  
He just watched Sanguin leave.  
As if Sanguin meant nothingh to him.

............

,,Do you want to talk about it?"asked Dusk and looked rather uncomfortable.

,,No."snapped Sanguin.  
Even now he missed Shudder, missed his warmth.  
He missed to have somone to cuddle with, even trough Shudder alwats insisted that he didn't liked hugs.

The time went by and Sanguin tried to forget Shudder.  
He really did.  
He met woman and mans alike, trying to get rid of the imagine of Shudder.  
It seemed hopeless.

All it did was reminding him of what he had lost only such a short time ago.

I miss you, thought Sanguin.

...........

Trying to drown himself on work, didn't got Shudder far.  
Every time the paperwork was finished.  
Every time the guest were happy in their rooms.  
The memories came back.

He remebered Sanguin grinng at him or just ably pulling him in a hug.

Nothingh helped, nothingh seemed to heal his wounds, they were simply to deep.

,,You look tired Shudder, maybe it is time to move on."said Ghastly when he saw Shudder.  
His old friend looked concered at him.

,,I can't."replied Shudder, feeling guilty at the mention of Larrkin.  
How could he even think of Sanguin inthis way, if there was still Larrkin?  
Even after all thses years he felt like he owed Larrkin to prove his love to him, by refusing to have another relationship.

,,He would love, to see you happy."pointed Ghastly out, looking up from his sewing work.  
His brown eyes showing that he was worried for Shudder and hoped his friend would find himself some happiness.  
A boyfriend perhaps.

Would you still think thus?, asked Shudder himself, if you knew that the man I desire is a killer, a psychopath?  
Most likely not.

,,I agree, but I don't think it is possible, atleast not in the way you wish me to be happy."replied Shudder.  
Even if I one one day love Sanguin, he will never love me back.  
There is no future for us and still.....I miss him.  
Even knowing this.

,,At least try."

..........

,,I could help you getting back into the game."offered another old friend to Shudder.

,,I think I will decline."muttered Shudder


End file.
